A Liberated Mind – How to Pivot Towards What Matters by Steven C. Hayes, PhD
Relaxation or Avoidance – We are great at finding mechanisms to relieve stress, but there is a point where that turns into avoidance. If we keep going, we will never address the real problems.
Time to Move On – Pivot to address the fears and rigidity and build habits to take on the issues that cause you to fear. We just don’t listen to ourselves, but instead, we have to accept the problem as the step to address it and move past it.
Have Direction and Listen to Yourself – With directed questions, listen. Why is something frightening? Why is it worrisome? Can you address those fears
Tear Down the Wrong Story – The story that you tell yourself gives you the wrong message and makes the situation next. Sometimes we like the story because it tells us what we want to hear or don’t really need to solve the problems. By changing the story into something actionable, we move past it.
Know What to Do Next – What must you do to take action? First, find the next best step.
We Love to Avoid – Watch out because we love to avoid pain, and it is easy to fall back into even after you determine your fears and story. We treat every pain like we touched a stove, but most things do not have any danger in them. So we have to stop having this reaction.
The Three C’s
- Confirmation – Our brain tells us that everything we expect, we see when it may not be valid.
- Coherence – A complicated issue has made moving parts, so we develop a story that is too simple or writes off the real problem.
- Compliance – We just give in.
How To Win Tug-Of-War – The best way to fight this tug-of-war you have with yourself is to stop playing by dropping the rope. You don’t have to fight yourself. Instead, you can walk away from that struggle and just act.
Change The Problem – If the problem is your rigidity because of past fear, change the problem into something solvable.
Get A Tiny Plan – Problems are hard to solve and complicated. Often times they don’t get better quickly. Find a way to do very small steps along the way. Write a resume one day. Refine it next week. Look at 10 jobs on a website every week. Apply for one. By making it small, you will skirt your fears.
Think of one thing that you’ve been putting a wall against putting a box against because it’s either something scary to you or painful to you, and start listening to yourself precisely what’s going on with that particular issue. Then, find a way to challenge the fears and change the story. Finally, make a small steps plan to get past the issue without causing anxiety.