Getting to Yes with Yourself: (and Other Worthy Opponents) – William Ury
Find The Needs – Without understanding your needs, it is hard to know what the solutions are and if any of them will help you, so first, you need to figure out the real needs the real goals before you try to negotiate with yourself.
Pretend You Are Your Own Best Friend – We are so harsh with our own needs at times. Listen to yourself as if you were your best friend. What would they say back to you? What advice would they give you? Listening with compassion and not gloss over the details.
Find Your Inner BATNA(Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) – If you can’t get everything you want, what could you get that meets your needs and would be acceptable.
See The Bigger Picture From “The Balcony” – We look at things too closely to get to a yes or no. Instead, we should dig deep to see if we can solve the problems or find alternatives.
Ask The Questions to Get to Why By asking why and doing so many times, you will find out the actual need for your negotiations with yourself?
Find the WATNA (Worst alternative to a negotiated agreement) – Find out the worst possible outcome. If you do that, you will see what fears you have holding you back or preventing you from the action.
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Challenge
Look for one thing you’ve been saying no to yourself about and see if you can try that exercise with you. See if you can listen to yourself and find out the deep needs regarding this particular topic. Then, try to figure out an acceptable negotiating point, even if you can’t get what you want. What could you get that would still be acceptable for yourself, figuring out what your fears and anxieties are, and respecting them in yourself, even if that situation no longer exists? How can you get past that? And then, at that same time, looking to see the worst-case scenario? What is your brain terrified of? And once you start addressing those things, these steps will make it easier for you to get to yes on that particular item and see if you can negotiate your way with yourself. Because again, that’s our very first hurdle.
