Have you ever been in a moment so confusing, painful, or chaotic that you couldn’t make sense of what was really happening? Maybe it was a tough breakup, job loss, or financial scare. In those moments, clarity is nearly impossible. Your brain fills in gaps, often incorrectly. You feel stuck. Today, we’re talking about that exact experience—and how to gain perspective when you’re right in the thick of it.
Why We Struggle to See Clearly in the Moment
It’s human nature to want instant answers. When uncertainty strikes, our minds create stories to make sense of things. Unfortunately, those stories are often laced with fear, embarrassment, or anxiety. You might think, My boss hates me, or This relationship is doomed, when in reality, you’re just reacting to a stressful moment.
The podcast compares it to hiking in a ravine. When you’re deep in the valley, the path forward isn’t clear. But from the ridge above, someone else might see the whole route. Similarly, perspective changes everything—but it’s almost impossible to access when you’re inside the storm.
Cognitive Distortions: The Brain’s Misleading Narratives
Our minds often distort reality under pressure. Some common cognitive distortions include:
- Mind Reading: Assuming others are judging or blaming you.
- Catastrophizing: Believing that a situation is the end of the world.
- All-or-Nothing Thinking: Viewing a challenge as either a complete success or total failure.
The speaker shares a story about a work project she thought was a disaster. In her mind, it was a failure. But others praised her for her resilience and communication. It shows how wildly different internal narratives can be from reality.
The Power of the Pause
Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and psychologist, famously said, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our power to choose.” That pause is a game-changer. Reacting immediately often leads to poor decisions. But pausing—just for a beat—can help us see more clearly and act with intention.
Instead of spiraling after receiving bad news or criticism, ask yourself: Is this urgent? Do I have to act right now? Often, you don’t.
The Danger of Snap Judgments
Sometimes we make fast decisions based on incomplete information. Like turning down a job because the manager seemed “off”—only to learn later they were just having a rough week. Or unfollowing a friend based on a misunderstood message. Acting too quickly robs us of deeper understanding.
This kind of impulsivity is part of what the military calls VUCA: Volatile, Uncertain, Complex, and Ambiguous. We live in a VUCA world, and acknowledging that helps us be kinder to ourselves when things feel murky.
Three Tools for Clarity in Confusion
- Say “I Don’t Know Yet”: This simple phrase buys you time and calms your nervous system. It acknowledges uncertainty without demanding immediate resolution.
- Ask “What Else Could Be True?”: This question shifts your mind from a single, fear-based narrative to a wider, more compassionate view of the situation.
- Zoom Out: Try to visualize your current problem from a higher perspective. If you were a month, a year, or five years ahead—how would this look then?
Each tool helps slow down the reactive process and allows wisdom to emerge through reflection.
Journaling, Conversations, and Letters to Future You
Reflection is key. Journaling, talking to someone objective, or writing a letter to your future self are all great ways to gain clarity. When you re-read your thoughts, you may notice distorted thinking or exaggerated fears. And over time, you’ll begin to see patterns—and solutions.
It’s OK to Be Human
This isn’t about always getting it right. You’ll make poor judgments sometimes. You’ll misunderstand people. That doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re human. Grace, not perfection, is the goal.
Let the fog lift gradually. Let decisions unfold. Life’s twists and turns often reveal themselves only after we’ve moved past the moment.
Conclusion: Trust the Process
In the end, clarity usually comes in hindsight. But with small steps—pausing, questioning your thoughts, and zooming out—you can bring some of that clarity into the present. You’re not failing because you’re confused. You’re just in the middle of it. And with patience, reflection, and a little grace, the path will show itself.