May 2025

So often, the biggest shifts in life begin with the smallest choices. That quiet moment when a new opportunity presents itself—whether it’s a creative project, a volunteer role, or a new job—and everything hinges on whether or not we say yes. But here’s the catch: before it’s ever about saying yes to someone else, it’s about saying yes to ourselves. And that might be the most difficult agreement of all.

Saying yes doesn’t require knowing how everything will work out. It requires being open to the idea that something meaningful might emerge. It’s a mindset that opens doors, cultivates courage, and nurtures long-term growth.

The First Yes Is Always to Ourselves

Before stepping into any new role or challenge, the inner conversation must happen. That quiet, critical self-check—“Can I really do this? Do I want this? Am I ready?” It’s easy to focus on what others expect or need, but personal transformation begins with getting clarity on what we’re willing to try.

The concept of “getting to yes with yourself,” popularized by William Ury, puts this idea into sharp focus. It’s about understanding what we need, what we value, and what we’re willing to commit to. That inner negotiation—sometimes messy, sometimes emotional—is the foundation of every powerful yes that follows.

Saying yes to ourselves doesn’t mean overcommitting or ignoring limitations. It means respecting them enough to define our terms. Instead of a blanket yes or no, we shape the opportunity to fit who we are right now—with room to stretch.

Inner BATNA: A Smarter Way to Say Yes

In negotiation theory, there’s a term called BATNA—Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement. Applied inwardly, an “inner BATNA” helps clarify what’s good enough for now. It gives permission to explore something new without overextending or burning out.

For example, when a volunteer opportunity feels overwhelming, the default reaction might be a hard no. But by considering what’s genuinely manageable—perhaps offering to help in a specific, valuable way—it becomes a tailored yes. Not everything requires a full-time commitment. Saying yes on your own terms often leads to more sustainable engagement.

That’s the real power of inner negotiation. When the decision is framed with clarity, and not guilt or pressure, it aligns with personal values and capacity. A well-negotiated yes isn’t just practical—it’s empowering.

WATNA: Understanding the Cost of a No

Just as there’s a best alternative, there’s also a worst one. The WATNA—the Worst Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement—asks a different but equally vital question: what’s the cost of not taking the opportunity?

Sometimes the worst-case scenario isn’t dramatic failure, but missed growth. A hobby never discovered. A talent never explored. A path never walked. The real risk is often stagnation, not catastrophe.

Being realistic about the downside of a “no” brings balance to decision-making. It challenges the assumption that inaction is always safer. Fear of change is natural, but letting that fear silently veto every new direction can leave life feeling static and unfulfilling.

The Five Whys: Getting to the Core

Another helpful tool in self-negotiation is the “Five Whys” technique—asking why repeatedly until the true motivation is revealed. For instance, wanting to lose weight might begin as a health goal. But asking why five times could reveal a desire for independence in old age or the joy of outdoor adventures. That core reason is the fuel behind real change.

When the why is clear and compelling, the yes becomes easier. It’s not just about trying something new—it’s about stepping closer to a deeply held value or long-term vision. That kind of clarity turns hesitancy into purpose.

Yes Doesn’t Mean Forever

It’s easy to fear that saying yes locks us into something indefinitely. But a smart yes often includes an exit strategy. Agreeing to try something for six months, or committing to a single project instead of a long-term role, creates space to learn and evaluate.

This kind of temporary commitment keeps the door open without feeling trapped. It acknowledges that circumstances change, and so do people. Being able to re-evaluate later makes the initial yes far less intimidating.

Opportunities don’t require perfection or permanence. They require willingness. Saying yes as an experiment—not a lifelong pledge—makes courage feel doable.

Growth Comes from Stretching

Stretch moments aren’t always comfortable. They come with awkwardness, trial and error, and plenty of unknowns. But they’re where confidence grows. Every time a challenge is met, even imperfectly, it expands what feels possible next time.

That stretch could look like learning a new tool, trying a new creative outlet, or stepping into leadership for the first time. These aren’t leaps into the abyss—they’re steps toward becoming someone more capable, more expressive, and more fulfilled.

And yes, sometimes things go wrong. That’s part of the process. But even a failed experiment can offer clarity and direction.

Saying Yes Can Be Sacred

There’s a deeper level to this too. Saying yes to new experiences, to helping others, or to creative pursuits isn’t just personal—it can feel spiritual. There’s a quiet power in moving from consuming life to creating something within it. Whether it’s writing, volunteering, mentoring, or starting something from scratch, choosing to say yes becomes an act of service.

And sometimes, the act of showing up is more meaningful than having everything figured out. The willingness to try speaks louder than credentials. Many opportunities are waiting for people who are simply ready to say, “I’ll do it.”

Final Thoughts: The Life-Changing Power of Yes

Life tends to open up in surprising ways when the answer shifts from no to yes. Not a reckless yes. Not an obligatory yes. But a thoughtful, internally-aligned, well-negotiated yes.

Opportunities are everywhere—but they need a willing heart. Saying yes to oneself first, getting clear on needs and boundaries, and taking that initial step can shift the course of a life. Whether it leads to a new career, a creative breakthrough, or simply a renewed sense of purpose, the invitation is always the same: say yes to growing.

It doesn’t require certainty—only courage. And that courage, once practiced, has the power to change everything.